Life, have it's ups and downs. Surprisingly, when I saw this 'status', although I knew, I kinda freak out. I couldn't sleep, but yet I knew it even without the status. Maybe I was in the stage of denial, maybe I'm still not over you after 3 years. Needless to say, in that 3 years, I did nothing to change. And I decided to, the day I saw the status, yesterday. It's now or never, I swear myself even to God way before this and fail. I don't know whether I will succeed or not. Still, I not sure whether God would despise me, since I have a problem now, I decided to once again go to church. Ever since the time He showed me what I called, a miracle, I took my religion for granted.

Anyway, I tried smoking 'healthy', big mistake and a waste of money. My friends warned me several times. I grew in weight, too much to account for. I need to buff up. Last time, I didn't almost everything for you, I wrote poems, I wrote characters, stories, about you. Now it's me me me, nothing for you. Selfish. And I took the 3 years for granted as well, as if you will come walking through my doorsteps. But honestly speaking, I thought of it many times, do I want you back? Most of the time, in my mind, no. Honestly, no. She's no longer the person I knew, 4-5 years ago. I probably can still remember all the things she is, but she's probably no longer those. But a friend once told me, 'If I get the chance to go back with one of my ex, I would, just to get that feeling once desired, back again'.

I seriously don't know what I want. When I got her, I feel I can 'cheat' because I got the girl. I wasn't who I'm. I never freaking cheat when it came to love. I think of nonsense, most of the time. Now I decided to make a list.

First : Stop smoking, be the person in your image. Cruel and strict, but it's all for you man.

Second : Reduce some weights, you ain't getting girls when you're thin, you sure have no chance at all when you're fat.

Third : Buff up, study, finish your freaking diploma. The time where things used to go as you planned, is gone.

Fourth : Do those 3 first.

Period, I think I need a break. A reset memory, I trained so hard over the years to acquire the attention I wanted, but now, it's all in vain.....