He do not think about the future and he thinks that if he aims at this one thing, he is surely to get it. Trying to reason that it's not always a dream come through, I kinda fed up. We talked about studies, he was telling me that he only needs a diploma to achieve his dreams. Then I only told him I planned getting at least Degree and advance to Master Degree and he just said it's all paper. So I tried telling him that the world wants to see this paper so I'm adapting to the world. My plan is to take Degree part time and advance through the stages in engineering. Master Degree would maybe when I'm about to retire, to secure my assets and job. He said practical is needed more. I said in order to do so, theory is needed first. We kept arguing ever since.

The next day, we were having some casual talking and I asked him to get a car license. I mean, convenient sake right? Despite having a car, there is a time in life you will need to buy one. Even a motorbike. He said he doesn't need one since he's gonna be an air steward. He's relying on public transportation but does it ever occurred that you have leave from work? Or maybe he didn't become an air steward? He said he's still gonna take a cab even in Penang. I just told him he can't expect cabs to be at every corner of the road. He still justify he's correct. Until to one point, I went, "If I become an air steward, I would get one, regardless I become one, just in case I don't become an air steward. And doesn't mean I don't a car, I won't be driving one." Then he went "hmmmmm".

Seriously ridiculous talking to especially a stubborn person. He's probably the type of person that relies on another person. But you shouldn't expect them to bring you everytime or be free. Owning a license doesn't mean you should owned a car. You can still borrow from friends or parent.

Well, I rest my case.

All those how cool is it to be a mafia and shit, in real life is totally different. I shake seeing things and I saw a lot of unwanted things. My friends do this kinds of things, tempted me. Of course I got some good heart in me still. Though I started smoking and drinking cause of them. But I don't want such a life, I want beyond! Who knows what I'll be. I may be gone by then. Which came to my thinking once more, life is short and there's things I want to try. Even once...........

Comparing myself about 2-3 years ago, I was so much better. I had a life, full of it, no worries and I respect myself better. Full of motivation and confidence. And everything when haywire exactly 2 years ago. I began smoking more than usual but I tried stopping more than usual. Started smoking light cigarettes but thank God my drinking habit didn't increase. I didn't really have stress with studying, I don't need to cause I was kinda special and doing rather so so in studies without studying. Now I have to study if not I will die. I guess over the years, what I'm studying is getting harder and harder.

During my time where I work, I worked very hard and I don't have much complains. I have no real feelings either which is good so I can focus. But a person taught me so which is a good thing until I was overthinking. I guess there weren't much anything that will bring to my downfall then. Now, I judge almost everything. Some of my best friends even said I was better before. I gotten worse.

It was a bad decision to enter form 6, I regretted. I tried my very best but I don't fit being tied down to rules and school uniform. I did pretty alright in college now but you should see when I was in high school, no studying and can get decent scores. Here, study also only gets borderline. Everytime I would think about what happen. I guess my grandfather was the impact. I start declining since standard 5 when he passed away. I was doing so well, top 10 in class. Then enters form 1, start getting lazy, didn't do homework (which was a first). Then no story in form 2, I was quiet then. More focus in finishing year 2004. Form 3 was my peak where I was at the highest most notorious student in the school. Form 4 started declining a bit and by form 5, I was unbeaten in arguments. Too good to device my getaway tricks, no teachers can overcome me or even stop me. At 18, I was also awesome, full freedom. 2009 was the worst year I had, 2010 was rather okay. And now I'm, hoping to ever advance to my peak once more.

If I can do it, it would make me more prepared in life. When I was 18, I faced the world. Full of awesomeness but once I realized it, I got hit badly. Right now, after 2 years, I'm going to hit the real world once more. I wasn't prepared the last time, I'm getting more prepared now!