A friend clearly said this, the rest couldn't even goal when there's only the keeper to beat. Firebrands has always had a good keeper except only our second team. If only the second choice keeper was on our side, we won't get beaten badly. I too suffer a dilemma. I contribute as much as I can but there's always an obstacle. Mine is the team. Of course I can't totally say my team mates are bad. There are a few that are extremely good. What I don't understand was, why couldn't we win? I guess we have lousy shooters. Floorball is an easy game to play but again, why?

The team dependent on me as their key player most of the time and it's hard I'm telling you. Since I joined floorball, I was only practicing my shots cause that's what I'm suppose to do. The ball was hardly with me most of the time. Seriously, I was always out of form during the tourney. Can't blame me for working and straight playing the game after work. My stamina was improving, so I thought. Very very random. Sometimes it can be extremely good, other times extremely bad.

Let's see what I have done this few weeks. I have done 3 midterm test, 2 more. I have straighten my hair, and it look awesome! I have been exercising and playing sport 3-4 times a week. Had quite a number of good sleeps. Dream nightmares. The usual. Anyway, a friend now totally commented me as a random dude. Is that good? Only thing I'm concern now is my hair. The lady gave me this treatment so I need to wait till it wears off before I can do something about my hair and UN-GAY it. Totally gay. Ain't proud of it since I'm the person who always tease others of being gay in centre. I'm thinking of dying or highlighting my hair. Hmmmmm.

Anyway, midterm break is not gonna be great for me cause I have a lot of things to do. Sometimes I'm sick and tired of going out, knowing I got movies, series and things to do at home. Sometimes I want to go out but the buddies ain't that free. Blame the parents for not giving them enough freedom. Also lately, my speed of typing has increase. I wonder if I can compete with others already.

Thanks for reading! xD

Anyway, with the whole morning used playing online game, I went to the hair saloon at Gembira Parade. Thanks to Yugesa for introducing me a good yet cheap place. I went there, for one reason and one reason only, to straighten my hair. I was thinking it's gonna be a whooping of 100 bucks but turn out to be only 60 bucks. Permanent with free hair treatment.

I went there about 3, lepak around for a bit and then they serve me around 3.30. This process took 5 hours. And I had nothing to do so I called all my friends to check up on them. ALL! At first they put that smelly thing on my hair and wash it. From then, I cannot recognized myself. SERIOUSLY! I look totally different. I had about 4-5 hair wash or maybe even more. Then the final touch, they did a superb job on my hair. I look 10 times better! After the treatment, my hair was more shinier.

All for you babe! xD

It hits me today that when Kumaran, one of my best buddy said that because of my childish attitude that I lost my girlfriend. It may be a goof for him but I took it seriously. I just kept quiet though, cause I think it's true. I really want to change my attitude, my point of view. I hate it myself. But I guess I'm scared of realizing the changes in my life.

Looks like I can't be able to change for awhile. I tried my best but everyday I said to myself, I will do it tomorrow. Thing is, I don't know whether I will have a tomorrow. I plan it, but it's too flexible that it might not even happen.

I love to go to Moral Ed classes cause it's like a psychology class in there. There's always a "And who are you?" kinda question. It's really reflect on me. But I can't change it. I'm now hated by a lot of people, despite even I know a lot of people and have a lot of friends. But I can say, I know a lot but only a handful would help me out. Some would even betray me. I feel so sick at myself cause I know because myself, my friends are like that towards me. I'm seriously unable to stick with people my age cause I cannot tally with their ideology.

Now I got a topic for Moral Ed, a topic that is known as the most interesting topic by my lecturer. Even so, this topic, conflict, is something I'm unable to handle for myself.

A great dilemma, a great tension.

Anyway, about last week, I met my friend from work. Right now, we both acknowledge ourselves as brothers rather than friend. We both did a hell of a killing back then xD Actually, there's a truth behind this that I haven't revealed to anyone yet. I think I'm keeping this for too long and it's now the perfect time to tell the truth.

When I first picked up in form 6, all was going well. I was initially offered to work part time in the current place I'm working now. There's definitely no stress working there, I'll have lots of time to spend with my friends and even able to study. Everything will go well, I would have extra money to spend, go to form 6 like a good boy. But then I didn't regret choosing the other road either nor was I too proud of it.

A friend of my former employment in City Bayview met an accident. His father was the beverage manager, a guy I could respect for he's one person that is struggling to help support his family. His son was working under him until he and another guy met an accident. My ex-manager, Mr Khoo is by night a manager and by morning a taxi driver, only comes home at 10 in the morning and goes to work again at 5. Everyday........

My friend, aka, Amir, also known right now as my brother, wasn't close to me at all until I join in as a bartender. My first day of the job was terrible, it's was really physical torture. They were lack of employees then when I first joined. I still remember that day and vow that I will never do such thing ever again. I was the only person on the job during that time that was carrying 15 beer barrels, each weights 34 kg, down the basement stairs. The following week got worse, I carried 20 beer barrels. I had all my friends including my lover back then. Of course I lost them in this event. Lost as in not close or without contacts anymore. Not totally of course xD Surprisingly my whole body was affected. To carry the barrels, you need to bend down a bit. There's goes the backbone and hand. Then I need to work in 3 departments, all scattered around, leg is involved plus I need to stand all day.

That time I know I was doing the right thing. Many people was objecting of what I'm doing and saying that I should take care of myself instead. 2 more of my colleague had an accident and my job got more tough. By then, there's only me and Amir left, exclude the manager. Amir actually that time won best employee for 4 months. He haven't taken even a sick leave for at least 7 months. That was how dedicated he was. He only left me to depend on that time. He moved house too. Imagine the lack of sleep he's getting. We were so close back then.

While he was the only full time worker there, he was only in charged of one department in a day. I was in charged of 3 department a day. The bar underground, the ball room and revolving restaurant. I always hated the start and the end of work. I always had to come early and always had to go back late. This was the start of my stress and no, I wasn't like that back in high school. Apparently I was too 'manja' kind still. Whatever I prepared for the real life, it was never enough for this. And this, this isn't real yet! Slowly, I lost out and take it on several people. I even lied that to my lover and friends that I'm at home when I was actually all along at work. I didn't want them to tell me that I'm doing the wrong thing and I wasn't thinking for myself. I celebrated my birthday in the bar with my brother and best friend Eugene. My best customer offered me beers, the waitress and cashiers came hugging me, the band played music for me. It was the best 18th birthday I would ever imagine.

In about 2-3 months of working there, I finally had the worst impact in my life. I requested a long holiday after they managed to bring in 3 new people. This was done for my family and friends. They kept telling me to quit but I took a 'holiday' instead. A little happiness was, 3 people was recruited to replaced me. The bad news was, the morning after my 'last day', I was dumped. Until now I couldn't believe it but I had to act normal. Of course that didn't last even a day. Anyway, life move on after that. I rejoined after 2 months of holiday. Found out the 3 people that they recruited, quit and couldn't take my 'work'. Hehehe.

I came back once more as a super BARTENDER. Lol. Did everything all by myself. I made even more friends this time. During that time, nobody will disturb the beverage department, not even management. I got into a fight with my neighbour which was working as Human Resource Assistant Manager. He was trying to show off that time and the way he do it, I really screw him up. Obviously during this time around, all my frustration was still there. I even fought with the bar supervisor and manager. But they couldn't touch me. I was the elite force and favourite to the beverage manager. I grew a little cocky that time and start doing things my way. Of course I do with limits but this time I made my job a place where I can enjoy rather than just make angry face. Even made good friends with the Sue Chef (what ever the spelling is) and got free food!

I made my work as a happy thing to do. Of course this didn't come with only happy ending. I was always looking forward to work, I neglect totally of the outside world. I sometimes didn't even go to school...... Maybe all the time. In my mind was work work work. But I didn't realize it. I quit on Christmas when I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't get a day off and walk off from my work. Amir understood me so he was angry eventhough I left without saying goodbyes. I still came to visit him time to time. I miss the place but I will never go back.

Moral of this story, I seriously don't know. But I realize it a bit too late. I tried helping people all I can out of their dedication and all. I was touched and I really tried to help. I don't expect anything but sometimes this neglection made me expecting some high expectation. When I stayed and be stubborn, I lost my lover. When I continued, I became more and more hot tempered due to stress. And when I quit, it was too late. I had to let down of Amir and my manager. And when I go back to focus on form 6, it was too late. The subjects got harder and I cannot catch up. So I quit form 6 without saying goodbyes. And then my close friends in form 6 that we promise to make a soccer team I let down. Without me, everything was different they said. No matter what I choose, everything was a disappointment.

Honestly, I was never the same after that. That's why I don't believe in chances anymore. Still, this is all but a memory to me now. And friends, now you know the real truth. I want to give this last atom bomb for you all to realize, 2 years ago, I didn't DO IT FOR THE MONEY OR WHETHER I WAS GREEDY! The money was awfully little by the way. Working 3 departments a day? Could have just work at my uncle's hotel right? And I tell you know cause it's been so long and that it's fine to you all know. Cause if I were to tell you back then, you would discourage me and I know I would fall for your words one day.

See, I don't totally regret. I made my days, I had worst days. To my readers, if you think you had worst days, compare my story with yours. I had been through much more worst, of course I cut this story a little shorter xD If you don't believe me, try working as a bartender in City Bayview. Amir left there already so it will be even harder now. Wow, makes me want to challenge myself. Hahaha. Bye xD

Then this got me thinking and thinking. I headed to work after hours of driving. Since I got sick, I ate only 1-2 meals a day. dramatically, my weight is reducing. Went there and just think. Then Bryan came down and we discussed about next day's floorball game. I predicted, we are gonna lose. I guess I think too much. It affected me dreadfully and I didn't play at all well.

My streak in Youth Wave ended by Snake FC and my streak in League Div 2 ended by Spearhead. I was not at all performing. I missed 3 shots, no goals till the end. I was sleepy, I was tired, I forgotten my headband, I forgotten to bring my water. I even committed a foul by pushing Rueben, a junior from BJ Scouts. I really am demotivated also when my team mates keep repeating the same old mistakes. The team was like, "Donovan, we depend on you to score". I couldn't keep that promise. Although I suck that time, my manager just smile and shouted, "The giant is just in your mind". I let him down though, lost my fucking streak on the way.

After the game, as usual, my own cousin condamn me. Saying that I'm only good in shooting, I pretty much such the rest. Even if that's true, that wasn't some word I would want from my own cousin.

Conclusion, I gonna stop caring too much. Seriously, I tired. At least now we can wrap out this and I gonna face college again. I gonna start sleeping early more often. I hardly see my eyes white anymore.

Anyway, bye

Anyway, sis is back and hopefully for a long time cause she brought me awesome shows to watch! How I met your mother and Liar Game is the best show ever! But it's kinda sad for the How I met your mother sitcom. Honestly, I nearly cried..... Yeah right. Although it's sad the hottest girl in the show didn't turn up to spice up the show. I got a bit of spoilers here and there and I was really hoping Cobie Smulders is so God damn hot in the show.

Speaking of which, I came back from college today and felt really fucked up. I came back about 9.30pm and was so tired. Moral was interesting but I watched a episode of Liar Game while listening to the lecturer. Amazingly, I listen to what the lecturer said. This semester has only 1 subject that I totally suck at. And it involves a lot of formula and maths. I'm still a little sick though. Dry cough is getting worst and worst and my stomach disorder, I think it's back.

And also, the moment I have time, I will change my blog's layout. Getting too old already. Awesome part is, I just bought a new basketball, gonna play it again...... At least until floorball league is finish, gotta focus on the game. And cause I was sick lately, I dropped 3 kgs. Awesome I guess. And soon, I gonna straighten up my hair. Before a certain someone comes back and tell me to cut it, I guess I'm gonna surprise her. Hopefully all will do great.

As for this and next month, I have tonnes of plans, fully booked. Hope I'm up for the task. Anyway, bye xD

About the betrayer part, it involves my Hungarian friend. To cut it short, this guy is talented but love brings him down. Sadly.......

On the other news, the best ideas came from having a drink outside. Yes, we have a new vision. To create the ultimate secret weapon for Firebrands, called, Firebrands Evolution! This team is consist of independent players, dedicated to train personally and win the leagues. A team created for an ultimate purpose, a dream team. This team is consist of some new talents and some talented players without stealing around, a team that grow from nothing to the best. We want a team where it's created by our own friends and we aim for the time that we can say that everyone is good, no comparing that whether he's better than the others or something like that. We want to be seen as the Titans, the Mercenaries, the Great Ones!

This team is also a team not fully held over by the management. We have our common aims of course but this team is a little special, our aims are different than the rest. Our aim is not by Firebrands only but as a team, TEAM FIREBRANDS EVOLUTION! Hopefully this team can be created without being tied down by the company. More like a very independent team by it's own. Seriously, I can't stand immature team mates or management and that's what some of us a facing with right now. The current first team and second team is so narrow minded and immature. Poor leadership, many admits that but there's no say to it. We have gain trust from our Manager, Alex and he's delighted to hear about it.

And as my process in Floorball is going, I can say that I'm improving everytime. I do my own personal trainings every Sunday in Japanese Garden along with Bryan and Kumaran. Kumaran has good reflexes and Bryan is a damn good keeper. As for me, my shots are getting more accurate but only the dribbling is still not up to standards. Of course I need to train up even more to create our new team and I need to play well this coming Saturday. I want to prove a point I guess. Dilemma is that I'm not close to my own team mates and only I'm processing, others are not. Bringing me the few persons that the team can count on. I just need another goal or two to prove my heart.

All geared up and ready to hit the sacks. xD

Anyway, right after work yesterday, I head home to sleep at around 8am and woke up around 11.45pm and headed to Inaz's sister's wedding down in Sungai Ara. It's like an hour ride from my place. Freaking deep inside at the country club but the view is just awesome. Food was great and it's been years since I volunteeringly ate ice cream. Only thing was the DJ which was so freaking annoying. Putting the classical songs I love but also keep talking nonsenses. I mean, every 5 seconds!?

Then I head to my cousin's to sent him a pack of dog food which my two little angels won't eat. They only eat HUMAN FOOD xD That's Choloe and Crybaby for you! On the way home, I called several people and as usual, all not free. And I noticed that this guys are freaking trying to piss me off or tempt me cause they are free only on Friday and Saturday nights! Tempt me with alcohol xD But I kinda have no desire for alcohol anymore. Temptation ages I guess.

Anyway, working might be a little too demanding, it's like I'm being forced to work like last time. I'm seriously thinking of stopping. Seriously, I couldn't spend time or put any obligation to it anymore. I have no time, not that I got things to do at that time, I have things to do the morning after. I used to be able to handle so many things but I'm SERIOUSLY getting too old to handle it. Hahaha. Maybe I don't have full obligation before than I do now. I remember I used to spend every single day except Saturday and Sunday, in school. That's how great school was to me...... Well, after school hours that is xD I will make a date with a girl on Thursday and just talk and see her do homework xD That was really lame but right now I talk to her more than before but we weren't as close as before. 13 and 19 years old is a lot of differences. I never missed a camp during form 3 also.

Time really scares me a lot. Ever had that feeling where it shakens your body and everything goes blank and light? And lastly, I would like to declare accident for a year and hope I can keep the record straight this year xD Bye

I'm so dead busy right, college is taking almost everything from me. I couldn't eat or sleep properly. Mind that I'm talking about spending time in college, not assignments. I can say assignments are God damn easy. Told ya when that when the computer subjects kicks in, I kick in too =D Anyway, back to the topic, I couldn't eat nor sleep properly. Simply cause I wasted all my time in college. When I got home, I have several appointments elsewhere.

First, my burden increased when I had to collect scouts registration forms from Bayan Lepas. I had to balance my time between college and the teacher's time. Second, a friend is back so I need to accompany him. Third, college. Forth, etc, etc, etc. Many more to say but can't think of it now. This has been going for 2 weeks now and cause of the fatigue, I lost 3 kg. Hair and mustache grew and I don't have time until yesterday to shave it! I go to college at 8 am, came home at about 9 pm, repeating for 2 weeks. Got home, watch a movie, sleep. Wake up at 6 am. I had a few sleepless nights due to some terrible nightmare. I was so stressed that I got sore throat (lack of water) and got sick last week. It's still going on. Yeah, when I'm sick, I become really really sick.

Then at times I have to be concern over my friend who I suggested several business proposals. He have his personal problems unrelated to this but I won't enclose the information. Only thing I can say is, it's taking a toll on me. Even the weekends didn't spare me much. I had to work right after study group and sports on Friday then go for the floorball league the next morning. Luckily they postpone the time to evening so I have time to sleep. I was stress but thanks to this league game, everything just when down the drain. We are up against our own club, first team, Firebrands. Knowing that we will be trashed, a member of the first team said to us that if we can goal once, we are consider good. I didn't took that challenge and just ignore their arrogation.

It was about to start, luckily some of the key players are here but our captain wasn't here. Some school issues she had or something. I was again pressured and de-motivated by my last game at Youth Wave. My streak goals in every game was ended there. I was pressured because I scored in all the league game we had. To cut it short, we lost this game but this game meant so much for me. It was 1st half, I was geared up, putting all the pressure on my leg and head. Then I cut it loose earlier this time. The last score was 10-1........ YES, I SCORED THE ONLY GOAL AGAIN!

Then the week goes as usual. I got sick after the game. I can say hello to my long lost fever friend. I had several nightmares because of you but the sky was awfully beautiful and reminded me of times. How I wish I could just grip that time and live it forever. Those time when I was less emotional and more carefree. And of course..... AHEM!

Anyway, I think I'm gonna start praying to God once more. It's been long. He's been helping me all along. I now see myself, I didn't wasted my time at form 6. I guess I was meant to fail form 6 so I could pursue my real dreams. Heck, I wasn't even good in Accounting in the first place! Many thing has happen during that time but being conservative as usual, there's no need to explain my alibi of what really did happen during that time. The deeds wasn't realized and I hope that people would be able to find it themselves one day. Let me tell you this, I did everything that time for others, never for myself and it cost me.

May the Lord take care over me and my readers. Cheers!