Anyway, some group of friends are those I need to abandon. Not that you are giving problems to me but you would be slowing me down. Bye........

Yes, my life is not important even when I'm one of the lone son of the family to carry on the family's legacy. When it comes to friends, I dear them most. I can say that all of my friends are the people who made me who I'm, not my family. I carry the family's legacy and history, that's all. I climb together with my friends, that's the difference.

I went to the hospital today, I couldn't find him so I ran around finding him and finally found him at the plastic surgery ward. He was about done so they sent him back to his ward. He could show a thumb's up and even smile and laugh. That's how strong he was. His mother was crying and even I could cried but no, I have to stay strong. I pray to God now, for his well being.

Thank you for listening. I hope we all can pray if you know my friend, Izrin. For his well being, I thank God once more.

I went to work and for some reasons, I didn't sleep at all that time. I can't say it's nervous, more like excited. Kumaran and Buven was suppose to come but they jack me last minute. Ate in MacD with Bryan before heading to Balik Pulau. I told my mum I needed the car till noon but didn't really tell her where I'm going so I went ahead and fetched both Wayne and Steven. As we reached there, I got everything prepared. I was early. So I did some warm ups, practice shots and some dribbling. Then the rest came and we did our drills. Then before the game starts, I drank Red Bull. I shouldn't..............

As the game starts, I got a bloody headache and my stomach was too well. My stamina sucks big time and I thought it was okay. We got trashed 3 goals that time. I started to get nervous, committed few fouls and even got sent off 2 minutes for incorrect substitute. As I watched, I prayed our opponent didn't score. I had a chit chat with the referee while on sent off, get to know the game a little. Entered but didn't make a difference. Since my stamina sucks, I constantly asked for substitute. The moment the first half finishes, I asked Alex, my manager for a plastic bag. Half way through team talk, I ran outside and vomited. Everything I wear was so tight so I took off everything, loosen my socks, take out my headband, took off my knee supports.

Right the start of second half, Tania, my captain, face off and won the ball. Passed to me and I had to be greedy because there's a big opening in the middle, unguarded and I was the only one in front. I took the risk, dribble inside and scored a goal. We are still on 3-1, the crowd cheered but I didn't take it as an achievement cause we were losing. My left leg starts failing me again and I was so dehydrated after I vomited cause I didn't vomit out my food, all water. I have no water left and I had so many chances but I couldn't outrun them. I was too tired, asked substitute for 3 times. Each time I was out, I drop on the floor. I really couldn't take the heat.

We lost 6-1 and obviously I was really disappointed. My cousin tried cheering me up, this and that. He also committed a foul so big, got sent off 10 minutes. Kessler's power xD I really wasn't in the mood but after I slept, I really was glad I contributed for my team and for the number I represent. I declare this, my 3rd goal in 2 games I ever played so far officially. Not a bad start. I thank all those who supported me, especially my coach for just looking out for me and my manager for having faith in me, praying for me all the way, my sponsors who contributed, gave me support, my fans, who cheered up there, my friends and fellow team mates who along side whenever I play. Thanks guys, you created me!

It all started when I dare myself to challenge the world, yeah, the adult world. I came out, prepared and all boasting on how I would succeed. Then just half a step, I lost. Half a step. I lied some more, saying that I've been in the adult world and I know it better than anyone. The truth is, it manifest and it's impossible to hold on comparing to our elders. My generation sucks, big time. Depending on people I choose different ways to react or act in front of them. But when I'm alone, I suffer deeply. And then I got emotional and blames on others. To change, I need to change from being that goofy guys majority people knows me to the quiet, not fun guy. Something I'm trying to avoid cause I like the attention. Slowly but painfully, I had not choice but to change.

I created a concept, to bring everything I have forward together with me. I tell people, I give advise but I was always not the one helping myself. Hardly anyone advises me because some people look at me as alright. Those who had advise me were my best buddies. I advise myself too. I tend to grow crazier by the second and mess up everything. I want acknowledgement, I want attention and to give that up after all this years, it's hard. I thought in the adult world, I need to get acknowledgement when I lost the first round.

Then I constantly thought I improved and challenge the world again, only to be out faster than before. I annoy people because I want people to understand me. First round I was so in the rush to enter the world, it hit me so bad. Second, I underestimate again and got cut deeper. I'm useless.

I suck in education, I neglect them. I haven't been studying effectively or at all. Education isn't needed back on the old days but it's dear right now. I cry tearless and my heart hurts. I don't want this but I'm acting more like the guy on the picture of my blog.

About the start of this year, I care all about appearances. I have developed my body and everybody is saying I buff up. Honestly, by look it's alright but physically, I ruin my health cause of cigarettes. I never depended on drugs anymore even when I'm sick. What hurts me even more is my 2 dearest friends has left me. I want them back so badly but each time I tried, they go even further away.

I failed in love, I can't even treat a woman properly. I know the ways but I don't apply them. One of my biggest impact in life that pushes me backwards when I fail but I was failing anyway. I haven't had a good sleep ever since, even a proclaim good sleep was actually quite bad. I'm worst than before. I constantly have nightmares when something happens.

God knows how long since I neglected my religion. I always blame Him for ruining my life. I wish I go crazy at times when I got really emotional cause I will not have any worries in the world.

And by the end of this writing therapy, I have decided to change my goofiness, attitude for the better good. I know even more people will hate me for my arrogance but I have to do it. Sorry guys, I'm gonna disappear for awhile. As long as I want to since nobody cares for me anyway. Bye guys, see you in the future.

-Close entry for this blog for a long time to come-

Anyway, I continued sleeping until 7am, took a bath, rush to college. It's a resit paper. I studied about 20 minutes more and sat for the exam. Well, I didn't think of scoring cause I can only score C at most. I did 3 questions fully out of 5. Last question, only did the easier ones. I do believe I will pass unless something else happens. That's PC Ooi for you.

Right after that, I went to Kumaran's house. Not to meet him but his brother, Buven. We 3 went to the General Hospital first, asking the information counter where is this Stop Smoking Campaign place. Kumaran started laughing as he thought we were going to donate blood. Went there about 12, understood why they got lunch break. Weird thing is, lunch break is at 1-2pm..... Extra.......

So, we headed to the registration building, opposite KDU college. Took my IC and went to a shop nearby to wait till 2. Reach there, the guy is still on his lunch break =.=" Beside us was millions of cigarettes and boxes. While waiting, we talked and laugh. Kumaran was like "Haixxx.... Smokers" and we went saying "Dei, at least we not alcohol addict!". We suggested that they already made Stop Smoking Clinic, they should also make Stop Drinking Clinic or Stop Nasi Kandar Clinic. When we went for our interview, the guy scolded us for talking so loud. Lol.

He ask various questions like who recommended us here, how we know about this isolated place (well, we added isolated). Buven said he's a hoki player for the USM team (crap) and his coach ask him to stop since we play sports. I said my coach from floorball ask me to stop and recommend me here (obviously my coach don't know about it). Then he ask whether a friend came here before. We said yes, Harizan his name, failed stopping but stop for a year. Now we are scared that this guy will check up on our story. Damn.......

Buven was the guy that first got this idea. And now when he is there, he was like, "Why am I here again?". Of course I push him to go cause I'm the actual guy that really played sports and I feel a bit more tension cause all my friends call me to stop. What happen to the days where smoking is cool???? Lol, joking. 4 taboos, I did 3, smoking, drinking, drugs (only once though and lucky I didn't get addicted and it's pills). You see, you have to try everything, know it first hand, get out of it if it's not safe. Obviously only I call the shot.

Got home, damn sleepy. Slept until dawn. Anyway, thanks for reading =D

Then right after work, my manager brought me to Balik Pulau to view our first team league match. Congrats, they won 0-4! Then this boy called Sean/Shaun/Shawn kept annoying me so I got ticked and just call him to shut his mouth. He got scared, kept quiet, then do the same business again. By then, I decided to stay far away from him.

Around 1, I went home, gain back a bit of energy and left for the funeral. I reached training at around 4pm. Really had a bad training and then, the training match start. Played and I was already extremely in bad shape. No stamina at all. While I was playing, this Sean guy came slashing my stick, pull my stick away and used his body to push away my stick which is a sure foul. He did that for 3 times before I got really ticked off and just shouted at him, "Can you don't slash my stick!?". Obviously this form 1 kid don't know shit. And for that, I really in the verge of whacking him with my stick.

I got lectured by my manager, yes, I do agree I should play it cool but I had a wrist injury and it really hurts. Even typing on the keyboard now, makes my hand shakes a little. After the training, I told my manager what happen and he understood that he was really annoying. We confront him, tried to advice him but he is too stubborn. I just had to keep quiet in order to respect my manager. But, I gave him so many chances and he really test my patiences. Next, I won't be so nice. And yes, he is indeed annoying and he proudly said he is but he doesn't care about what people think.

Anyway, going to take a nap first before going to work. Bye =D

Right now, Bryan told me I rise up pretty fast comparing to others. Honestly, I don't think so. It's been 3 weeks since I started floorball and it's tense me up. There's so many issues regarding about the second team. This and that, here and there, how could I coop with that? I hope what Bryan said will be true and that the other team is as bad as us. I hope to score at least 8 goals in 4 games, let me have the chance to be an All Star player. I got a few compliments here and there and yeah, I'm touched.

Now, I have one problem and after deducing here and there, I agree that my feet hurts due to the fact that my legs can't take the new pressure because of my growth in weight. 3 months I haven't been playing sports and in that 3 months, I gain 8kg (followed by another kg in the 4th). I don't have a clue to speed up on how to build my leg's muscle quick. I asked Sherwynd and he kinda like insulted me by saying that I should train my upper body instead. Obviously I got a little angry. I just ask you, you tell me, don't insult me lah....

We headed to Balik Pulau training ground for training. I was really disappointed with the training because it didn't really seem so fruitful and the fact that I was invited but my whole team wasn't there. I'm suppose to train with my team, build some chemistry or what not. Then during the training match, without any discussion, I became a defender, not a position I'm going to play in the league. That's the thing about the first team, they don't care about the second team. They practically train potential second team players and shift them straight to the first team. How would the second team even have a shot?

I just pray to the Lord that I can hopefully make a difference as an addition to the team. Aim for top scorer! Oh yeah, I think I might need to go to church often, just in case I don't got too used to Protesters..... Lol!

I'm more health concern ever since I graduated, I eat more particular stuff. Just to gain weight, I eat a lot but not really the good stuff. I'm fond to salads and I don't eat junk food anymore. Used to crave potato chips but I cut almost completely. I don't fancy ice cream at all, there's nothing special but I do like chocolates.

I love to play sports, hate crowded places, I love jazz compared to heavy metal, can't stand being alone, can't stand eating outside alone except only under desperation, always have injury problems due to lack of fitness and warming ups, I have a hair sense style equals to zero, I love accessories that are metal elements, might be able to love seafood one day, love to drink grape juice or ice lemon tea, don't like watching series on Astro cause I can't wait to watch the next episode, will be extra quiet to a crowd of people I don't know, no favourite colour in particular, like to do anything new, have insomnia, can't sleep on bright light unless too sleepy, only sleep 6 hours a day since I graduated, get bored over things easily, give up easily, loyal towards certain level of leadership or dedication, spend money worst than drinking water, always tries to cheat the system of any sort. Lol.

That's all folks =d

Beef (ribs) x6

Celery (2 sticks of celery at least)

Golden onions (2)

Olive oil (extra virgin, yours truly xD )

Carrots (2 should do the trick)

Red Wine (ready to sacrifice the whole bottle) (red top)

Basil leaves (I don't favour this but I will give it a try once more)

Spring onions (Cause I LOVE spring onions xD )

Firstly, just fry the tender beef ribs (ain't tender actually) with olive oil (it's way healthier than our local sesame oil, trust me), don't have to marinate it. The side lines are celery, golden onions, carrots, mix all together fried just for a couple of minutes (low fire and when I said couple, it means 2 minutes). Then pour it in with the ribs, cook boil it with a whole bottle of red wine. Just until it boils and you can put it in the oven for over 350 degree. The longer it's in the oven, the more it's alcohol level will be gone. I personally don't want to over cooked it cause the ribs will surely be good damn soft.

As for dessert while waiting for the ribs, this is easier. Get 4 fuji apple, put it together with a whole bottle of white wine, boil it. Stir around and add honey, NOT SUGAR. Boil it for only a few minutes and then you can add vanilla essences (1 tablespoon will do) and some raisins (preferably yellow raisins cause it mix well with white wine). Let me tell you this, white things, goes with white wine, red things, goes with red wine. As easy as that!

Next on the side dish are mash potatoes with WINE! Boil the wine and mash the potatoes seperately. Mix butter and cream in the wine, don't stir! Just move the wok around will do. Then you can put the potatoes in once it's boiled.

There you have it, the perfect dinner!

And the problem is, I failed Engineering Maths again. Electrical pass and substitute with Electronics. This 3 subjects are core subjects, every field of engineering has to go through with it. And that serves a problem cause in order to go forward, need to pass this bloody subject. But I kept my words, I'm doing this for a reason.

I always think back, I chose to work and not study last time. Then things changes and I continued studying. Then this kinda things like failing, demotivates me. I was really in the tension that my college is so far from my house that I want to change college using the credits I have. Really really disappointed. In me or whoever I need to blame, it doesn't matter. Once diploma is done, I can go for my degree which is 80% the subject has the related topics of what I applied for. Problem is, there's no degree in Penang in what I'm taking.

HAIX, S-T-R-E-S-S!

Ztec B VS Firebrands B - (Either 8 or 13) - 3

Ztec A VS Firebrands A - 9 - 3

I was in Firebrands B, second team. I did what I can and scored 2 goals out of the 3 goals. I was quite shocked myself actually. I used the back side of the stick, at a tight angle and scored without looking. Next thing I knew, the ball enters and I was so happy. Then one of my team tier mate scored another goal. We were losing but it felt so great. I did the 3rd goal from the middle, went through the lower part of the defenders and scored. I did what I can during that shot, gave my all, blast and fell down.

During the first period, a guy I didn't really like (well, he dislike me too), he hit my head with the stick from the back and I fell. Really damn painful. He got sent out 2 minutes and after awhile, I got sent out 2 minutes for slashing sticks. I did my cousin a favour, not on purpose. I gave a shot but slash my cousin's ex girlfriend (2nd ex from the latest) hard that she dropped her stick, luckily I didn't get a foul. My team mates told me that she fingers bleed? I felt so bad and apologies to her after the game.

Today is also a day where I'm injured free (not due to my own self) except for the getting hit by the stick part. Keras kepala, what to do =D

I built interest in the game and got good comments by the coach (as so as my friend told). Only thing is, I need to build up more stamina. I'm going to register for the stop cigarettes campaign by the General Hospital and I really hope to end this once and for all. Girls don't like smokers, aren't like the olden days. Lol.

Anyway, I'm dead exhausted. Next week is division 2, should be a little more easier than this friendly match. Held in Balik Pulau every Sunday, NOT RED CRESCENT. Come and watch if you can and I hope to generate some fans by scoring more goals.

That's all folks =D