Monday, October 26, 2009
I feel that after college started, I've been too stressful on my own. Assignments were luckily at it's minimal but quiz and interview is at all time high. Been out here and there so much, came home around night time. Sometimes my day off on Wednesday was occupy. I had a pain at my lower chest and really suspect something. In the end, I didn't make it to my appointment cause I couldn't handle my time well. This year, I got fever once, others were just flu or simply cold (not good in coldness). I went to a lot of places and when I was on the road, I just think.... Think of the stuff I made, whether I regretted it or not.
Sadly, I do. Life is getting better and I wish it remains that way. I said to myself, why did I become like this? Was I like this before? Or did I not realized it before? I guess I was good and bad at some point, gone worst at certain things. Friends keep going away to a point where it doesn't matter anymore. I have a lot of friends but I guess I'm too greedy. I don't want to lose any friend at all. Just recently, I feel that I should just continue my life without a few of them. I did bad things but at a point, I feel they misunderstood me. I was there at a bad time when they were mad at others, I got involved instead. The thing is, I scolded 'them' for using me as a anger release. I continue to treat them ill and went I try to say sorry, they ignore me.
It hurts me but right now, I feel I need to release all this and continue. I will be moving house soon, far away from all my friends, in hope to start over. There is really no point to pretend to 'help' myself anymore, what more their feelings. As much I hate a quiet day, I would rather face it than to break my heart more. Some friends are big talkers, gossipers, backstabbers, ungrateful bastards, stubborn people. Then I realized this, why should I fix this all myself when they don't want to? I recently followed my uncle and had a lot of teachings and advice. I want to hear and follow although I know it's hard.
I have a few people that would listen to me, hear my thoughts. Either they are too old or way out of my generation. I even have a junior which listens to me, at times I don't want to teach him anything because I can't even fix myself. I only asked him 1 thing, "When I move, I would stop smoking, would you follow me?" and he replied yes. A promise I broke several times but what is done is done. I want to be better, not only in games. I want to be stronger. I want...... To live the life I once dreamed to have... I want it all back.....
posted at 11:07 PM
Sunday, October 18, 2009
I know it's been long, but this is something I need to write down, just in case.
Recently, my uncle's (Godfather) penthouse became haunted. Apparently I didn't knew until something happen. It's weird and all, even for me. My uncle is right now staying with my Godmother (Aunt too) and I never questioned it. My Godmother went to Cameron Highlands one day and my uncle was taking care of the house. I didn't know that so I visited my uncle for lunch and went I head to the apartment, there was shadows down the door. Like somebody was inside. I didn't really bother asking whether my aunt is at home or not but when I was at the inner side, I saw it again. Then I wondered, why is it my aunt didn't open the door for us to enter so I asked. My uncle told me that my aunt went to Cameron Highlands. Maybe just my imagination.
Then after awhile, my uncle finally told me the truth since I notice he was in Penang too often. He lives in Butterworth by the way. My uncle needed to head to the house to clean some things, like throwing all the fruits and washing the house. We both went and brought cross each and some holy water. When we entered, there was no presences of any 'jin'. Apparently, my aunt (uncle's wife) got a 'jin' following her.
They brought a medium to investigate and it was proved, the 'jin' was after my aunt perhaps by her colleague who wants her job (Manager). I finally knew the whole story from my cousin when I went for drinks with him. This 'bomoh' place a few 'jins', one after another and finally brought the strongest one which apparently invited more 'jins' to the house.
This 'jin' was not only the strongest but also evil and cruel, tried to possess my aunt but couldn't because of her high spiritual power and apparently attacked my uncle to get rid of my aunt. My aunt, knowing this after 3 months, became to suspicious since her dogs were also acting weird. She had to pack up and leave my uncle which had became half conscious. After a few days, my uncle finally forced himself out of the house since the 'jin' didn't allow him to. He brought his dogs away together.
I knew this after quite sometime, then we head to the house. I believe I too was possess a little because when I wore the cross, my chest hurts badly for awhile (who knows!?). Looks liked it followed not only my aunt but uncle too. After I cleaning and all, we got home. The next day, I fell sick and had high fever and such. My uncle also is being a little different and what is worse is my aunt, who stayed with her sister, has been disturbing her sister's husband. My Godmother told me that before the incident, my uncle had a dream. My uncle's wife's mother came to his dream and told him to get my aunt out of the house. Consciously he felt something amiss but didn't bother until something happen (which I still don't know).
Greed, this is what people are. My uncle and aunt is having a great life and now!? Just for goof, my uncle's stuff in the house is probably being used by them!! (Playstation 3, Wii, Xbox, jacuzzi, 25k train set, plasma flat screen TV) Damn..... Now I need to help my uncle out since he too is quite stubborn. Everyone warn him not to go back alone and he did.
Not to be proud about, I actually have a strong willpower. I can sense things out of the ordinary. This time I didn't. Last time when my grandfather passed away, I could sense him around before I believe he was be sent. According to my aunts and uncles, I was the favourite one (I don't know why). And when my grandmother pass away, I too could sense her around. My grandfather apparently stayed longer since I couldn't sense my grandmother anymore. I miss both of them dearly, especially my grandfather. His like an idol to me, a great dancer and a great runner. Still, I couldn't spend time to remember them or follow their believes anymore. I don't know why.
That's all folks
posted at 12:26 AM